WEDNESDAY, JUNE 16, 2010
This picture was taken by my friend, Todd Welvaert at the local Menards at Xmas time. Some employee there has a sense of humor – which is awesome. It has nothing to do with today’s blog.
My mom used to complain, back in the ’70’s and then ’80’s, that my sister and I called her too much at work. I remember thinking A) we are her children and our voices bring rainbows and unicorns to her oppressive day, and B) Jenny started it.
I finally get it. Oh, the folks at my day job may not realize it because technology has evolved beyond the landline to texting on the cell. But my kids text me CONSTANTLY. My co-workers hear me swearing violently in the next room and probably think I’m having trouble with Photoshop or finding the right euphemism for “elder abuse.” But they would be wrong, because A) my children’s endless messages are not inspirational texts of love and joy, and B) Jack started it.
Here is an example of yesterday afternoon’s texting:
Jack: Wheres my cell charger?
Me: I don’t know. I’m at work. Look for it.
Jack: Where did u see it last?
Me: I didn’t use it last. Seriously, I’m working here. Ask Dad.
Jack: This is Meg. My phone is dead so I’m using Jacks. Dad said he was busy.
Me: So am I. I’m at work.
Jack: Where do u think it is? It charges both phones.
Me: I think it’s within 30 feet of you somewhere. Look for it and stop texting me.
Jack: If u were looking for it, where would u look?
Me: (not answering in hopes they’ll go away and I can finish this damned newsletter)
Jack: Mom?
Jack: Mom?
Jack: Mom?
Jack: Mom?
Jack: Hello?
Jack: This is Meg. Helloooooo?
Me: Really?
Jack: Wheres my charger?
Me: I’m 2 miles away and can’t see from here. Now stop it and leave me alone or I’ll think of something really bad to do to you when I get home.
Jack: My phone’s gonna die!
Me: You’re gonna die if you don’t stop texting me.
Jack: U r our mom. Ur sposed to be worried 4 our safety.
Me: No, I’m “sposed” to be working…bringing home a paycheck so you can have a nice birthday next week…a birthday you won’t enjoy so much IF YOU ARE DEAD.
(Insert 10 minute pause here)
Jack: I’ll just ask dad again. Bye.
The Assassin