WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 03, 2010
This stuff was in the headlines today (I kid you not):
Baptists From Idaho Arrested for Kidnapping Haitian Children
Overheard at last Sunday’s Church social;
“I’ve got a good idea! Let’s get a bunch of us and go down to Haiti – and drive around picking up random children off the street and take them to another country!”
“Okay. It’s cold here, and we’re out of lemon bars.”
Giant Squid Swarm the California Coast
At the End of days according to the Mayan calendar, a…um…crapload of giant squid will appear to signal the arrival of Godzilla-the-Antichrist.
Pack of Feral Beagles Terrorize Long Island
This is worse than last time, when we had that attack by frisky kittens! Remember the year before that…when we were paralyzed with fear by swarms of fireflies with irritable bowel syndrome? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
First Legal Male Prostitute – Markus – Former Homeless Man Who Says He is Good With Women Because His Mother Didn’t Love Him
Oh yeah, baby. Nothing screams SEXY like “formerly homeless” and “mother didn’t love me.” Sign up quick ladies, at $300 for 45 minutes, there won’t be any openings left on his dance card!
The Assassin