Leslie Langtry

There’s An App For That…

Posted on by Leslie Langtry

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

So my friend, Michele, gets a Droid phone. And it’s amazing, duh. She was showing me all the apps on there, including one that makes 3 different sounds that only dogs can hear. And get this, you have to PAY for that app. How slick is that? I mean there’s no way to prove that it’s a scam. You can’t hear it but your dogs will. Hell, if I look at my pug, Lucy, and point a cell phone at her, she’s gonna cock her head to one side.

So it got me thinking about the near future when I get MY Droid – what apps would be most beneficial to me. And here’s what I came up with:

  • Angry Mom App: This app would repeat what I say to my kids, twenty or thirty times, getting louder and more menacing each time. It would save that throbbing vein in my neck and my lovely signing voice.
  • Dog Butt Cam App: There is a dog in my house (well, actually there are three) who has decided to make multiple “political statements” every other day – usually in my dining room. I’m pretty sure the big dog is innocent but the two small ones are suspect. Not only would this app find out who did it, but it would also zap the culprit with 150 volts of fury. Hopefully, you’d only need to use this once or twice.
  • Juice Bag Straw Wrap Detector App: How difficult is it to throw the straw cellophane thingy away? Apparently, someone has threatened my children with death if they do because I have NEVER found one in the garbage can. No, I find them on the sofa, carpet, linoleum, bed sheets, toilet, shower, even in my underwear drawer. For this app, you’d be able not only to find the wrappers, but you’d also be able to scan for fingerprints. Maybe we should throw in the 150 volts of justice for this one too.
  • Shoe and Purse Sale App: This app would let me know IMMEDIATELY when shoes and handbags are on sale for 50% off or more within a 100 mile radius. You think I’m joking. This is my favorite app.

So there you have it. I don’t think I’m asking for too much. Just a few practical applications that would make my life a little bit easier.

What do you think?

The Assassin