WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 2011
The Basset never wins Westminster. I have to ask why? A noble, French breed, meant to hunt rodents and badgers. His nose is Romanesque, to say the least.
Okay, so they may have a few flaws. Like a skull tougher than rebar (that feels like rebar when it connects with my shin on a weekly basis) and a tiny, tiny brain (his nose is bigger). They suffer from dwarfism, which is how such a big dog is so low to the ground. They step on their ears…a lot – in fact they never grow out of that.
And they drool. Our basset (above), Luke, when he shakes can spray his drool in a ten foot radius and I have scrubbed basset drool more than six feet high on the wall. And don’t get me started on their nails. Luke’s nails are thicker than my finger. I have used bolt cutters to cut them. Fortunately, bassets are so clueless, you can cut all their nails before they even realize what you’re doing.
And they follow their noses. They KNOW they aren’t supposed to get into the garbage, but they just can’t help themselves. We had a basset who ran for 2 miles with his nose to the ground before he looked up and discovered he was lost.
But think of the things they can do! They are amazing counter-surfers for a short dog! They can look miserably depressed when they are at their happiest! They love, love, LOVE you! Luke can dig up an underground mole and pluck it from the ground before the mole knows what’s happening. And they are amazingly easy to fool. My basset will eat and spit out the same nasty thing 30 times, even though he sees me feed it to him over and over.
So, Westminster judges – you’ve failed us for 135 years. I’m starting lobbying now. Give the noble basset Best In Show!
Or my next victim in my next book, will be you!