WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 19, 2011
It’s a new year! Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (gasp for breath) oooooooooooooooooo! I had so many great plans for this year! Write new books! Lose 20 (okay, 30) lbs! Be nicer to ferrets (shudder like I walked through a spider web)!
And then I got my Droid X for Xmas.
And then, I downloaded Angry Birds.
I’m considering rehab. After only 3 days of playing.
Last night, I stayed up until 11pm playing. It took me an hour and a half to get through level 15. Over my lunch hour, I locked the door to my office, and after sending pages to my agent, I spent the rest of the time getting to level 20.
I need help.
And the weird thing is – I’m not a gamer. Every other member of my family is. I have never played solitaire on a computer. You don’t find me at 3am playing Medal of Honor (you thought I didn’t know, did you Mr. A?).
And it’s a stupid game! Birds can FLY! You shouldn’t have to slingshot them! And if they really want revenge, shouldn’t they have little guns or flamethrowers or make a secret call to Bob Evans to let him know where he can get some premium green bacon?
What happened to me? I used to be someone…someone who wasn’t lured into the dark, murky depths of basement video gamedom. Now here I am, crawling, starving, hysterical, naked (not really) creeping through the Android streets, looking for an Angry Bird fix…(sorry Ginsberg).
And tonight, I found myself on the official website, just about to download my credit card information to buy a plushy version of the LITTLE, TRIANGULAR, YELLOW BIRDS! Well…they are my favorite.
I’m not sure what an intervention would entail. Dove dark chocolate and Grey Goose martinis? Cake? Chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup? More cake?
Something must be done. I should be writing!
HELP!
The Assassin