Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Survivor is over and I must say, it was the best played game ever.
But as a writer who creates her own worlds, I like messing with the idea and since my third book (which is loosely based on Survivor), STAND BY YOUR HITMAN comes out September 1, I’m kind of in a Survivor mood. If I were to actually run the show, here’s how I would do it.
Twelve hot guys (what?) are sent to a tropical island naked. They have to earn clothes as well as food. What? Doesn’t that make sense? I’m not the only one who thinks this, right? Why guys? Well, because this is my Survivor fantasy. Get your own.
The first challenge should involve perspiration and water because what looks better than wet, naked guys? I’m thinking Greco-roman wrestling so we can see different angles. What? As a twist, the loser gets a pair of Speedos. Why would you want to clothe the best ones? DUH!
The next challenge should involve oiling up the men like gladiators. Then they have to give their most sexy gaze. That’s it. I just want to freeze that mental image for a while. Okay…got it. Jeff Probst’s character should be a woman and she gets to decide who wins. Once again, the worst gets the Speedos. See above argument.
By this time, the guys might have caught on and could start throwing the challenges in order to cover their naughty bits. So the next challenge would be for reward for the winner and it would be steak and beer. Then I’d bring out a bunch of average-looking, middle-aged women and pair them up with the men. The men have to seduce these women (convincingly) over the course of an evening and we get to watch. Just because. What?
At this point, I’m sure all the men would start complaining so I’d reward them all with g-strings and the men who failed at satisfying their partners (and believe me, we’d know), get…one more chance! As I said before – this is my Survivor fantasy.
Eventually, we’d have to start voting them off or it wouldn’t work. And I think we’d have to throw in a couple of make-out sessions with the host or something like that – just for fun. And we’d have to add some questions like they do on Miss America. But these questions would be a little bit different. Something along the lines of, “Your wife is having her period. Which handbag would you buy for her?” or “She just cleaned the entire house. You buy her her perfect pair of shoes. Who’s the designer?” or “Your girlfriend wants to eat a triple chocolate trifle but is worried she’ll get fat. How do you tell her you want her to eat and enjoy every last bite?”
At this point, I’m beginning to think this fantasy might actually not be possible.