WEDNESDAY, MARCH 02, 2011
Note to Self:
1) My basset will pull a whole bag of flour out of the pantry and dump the entirety on the carpet in a pile that stands 5 inches above the carpet.
2) My children will walk around this giant mound of flour in the middle of the living room carpet, pretending it isn’t there and claiming they never saw it.
3) I will bring a friend home making the customary disclaimer, “My house is a mess,” without realizing how true that is because there’s a mound of flour in the middle of the living room carpet – that the basset dragged out of the pantry and dumped – that my kids walked around, ignoring.
4) Flour is so fine a powder that even my Dyson Animal can’t pick it all up. Cocaine – sure. Angel Dust – of course. Anthrax – any day. Flour – not a chance.
5) My friends find it easier to believe that I dumped $8,000 worth of cocaine on my carpet than the truth that I have a flour-snorting basset.
I’m off to rent an industrial-strength suction machine thingy.
The Assassin