Wednesday, February 15, 2012
My one and only trophy, 1992 Women’s Winter League, 2nd Place
Our mantle is bursting with trophies. Oh, not mine. My kids have trophies, medals, etc. My husband even has a bunch in the basement – and that was back in the day before everyone got a trophy. But I only have one. This one.
It’s fun when my son’s friends come over and scream, “COOL GUN TROPHY (11yr old boys always speak in all caps)! Is that your dad’s?” I get a special thrill when Jack shakes his head and says, “No, it’s Mom’s.” You should see their faces. It really is precious.
I used to shoot handguns competitively. I lost out on first place to a female cop – and I don’t feel too bad about that. The leader of our group was an elderly woman who was retired Secret Service – which was very cool.
Yesterday, I found out I won Blogger of the Year at The Book Boost. That is very cool. This gun trophy is lonely. It needs a friend. While I wait, I trolled the internet looking for the coolest trophies ever.
We have to begin with the classic, cartoon bomb trophy. This would be a good trophy for the Bombay Family – Best Use Of An Explosive Device In An Assassination. I’d like to think Gin has a shelf full of them in her secret Death Lab.
This trophy just screams AWESOMENESS. I don’t know what it’s for, and apparently it’s a composite of mixed, mythical metaphors – which means AWESOMENESS. I’d like to see this trophy used for something unexpected – like BEST RHUBARB PIE or CUTEST KNITTED UNDERWEAR.
I guess this award would go to the guy who takes bites out of donuts in the break room, then puts them back when he discovers they are filled with a purple, viscous fluid. And if you work in an office with a break room, you know this guy. And yeah, he’d deserve a mouthful of purple viscous fluid.
This is my favorite. This trophy says, BEST SUPERHERO DISGUISED AS A WEREWOLF. What wouldn’t you use this trophy for, right?
Now THIS one is my favorite. This trophy says, “I shot it, and I killed and I mounted it, but I have no f%#*!ing idea what it is.” Now isn’t that what winning is really all about?
The Assassin