Tuesday, August 19, 2008
That’s right! The kids go back to school today! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO! You know that commercial from Office Max or someplace like that where the dad is dancing around buying school supplies to the song listed in my title and the kids are trudging as though they are headed to their deaths?
I can really relate to that.
Don’t get me wrong – I love my kids. But there’s something to be said for the blissful separation that textbooks and highlighters entail. Sigh. I’ll have time to actually get some work done without interruptions like, “Mom! Where are the Oreos?” and “Mom! Have you seen my pen/stuffed animal/earrings?” and the ever-popular “Mom! Jack shot at me and I’m unarmed. Isn’t that against the Genevieve Conversation or something?” (It is perhaps important to note that my kids play with TOY weapons. No angry e-mails please.)
I had this precious and heartwarming discussion with my children yesterday;
Me: Yay! School is starting! ISN’T THAT GREAT???
Jack: No.
Margaret: It sucks.
Me: Hey! Watch your language! And you’re wrong. It’s a miracle! A Christmas miracle!
Margaret: You are really enjoying this, aren’t you?
Me: YES! And don’t be a buzzkill sweetheart. It’s very unattractive in a fifth grader. (begin signing “Heaven, I’m In Heaven…”)
Jack: Why can’t you homeschool us?
Me: (the singing stops and I actually frown, increasing my likelihood of crows feet) Why do you hate me?
Jack: I know two other kids who are home-schooled.
Margaret: Yeah! They get to stay home all day!
Me: Oh my little darlings! I send you off to school every day for your own protection.
Margaret: (cocking her head like the basset hound does when he thinks he’s heard his name linked with the possibility of steak and cheese) Protect us from who?
Me: From me. If I had to home school you, you wouldn’t live beyond a week.
Husband: (Passing through) Oh, I don’t know, Hon. I bet you’d last a week and a day at least.
Me: (Shaking my head) Thank you for your confidence but it is completely unwarranted.
Husband: (while leaving the room) You may be right.
Kids: This sucks.
Me: Watch your language. Now, who’s up for a school-supplies-shopping marathon? (Raising my hand and jumping up and down with glee)
Sigh. Memories that will last a lifetime…