Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Well…hellllllllo there!
I am actually writing this on Sunday. Monday, my hump goes under the knife. That’s right, the ganglion cyst that has taken up residence on my right wrist, is outta here. It’s huge – about 1.5 inches in diameter and the bastard hurts (obviously, my ganglion cyst is male).
Anyway, the surgery will be followed by a blissful, Vicodin-induced coma till Thursday. Wait…Mr. A tells me it won’t actually be a coma – that these are just pain pills.
He’s wrong. It’s all in how you abuse them that matters. That is the secret to a good coma.
So on Friday, the doctor’s office calls with the following instructions:
- Stop eating by 7am that morning – something I’m not at all sure is possible to do. I can guarantee you I’ll be eating everything in the kitchen at 6:45am.
- Wear loose, comfortable clothing – I don’t get this one. I could understand not wearing long sleeves, but I wasn’t planning on showing up to the surgery dressed like one of the People of Walmart. Makes me wonder what they have seen to make up a rule like that.
- No jewelry whatsoever – I asked about earrings – no, a necklace – no, my tongue stud, no (okay, so I don’t have tongue stud, but I was rather curious).
What exactly is going to happen to me that I need to wear a mumu and no jewelry, I wonder. Apparently I will swell up the size of a Macy’s parade float.
And I really don’t care as long as I lose the hump and get 36hours of sleep and hopefully, a pain pill addiction.
I’ll check in on the blog Wednesday, but I have to warn you that I won’t be responsible for anything I say.
Could be interesting.
The Assassin