WEDNESDAY, MARCH 02, 2011 Note to Self: 1) My basset will pull a whole bag of flour out of the pantry and dump the entirety on the carpet in a pile that stands 5 inches above the carpet. 2) My children will walk around this giant mound of flour in the middle of the living…
My Blog
Lucy and the Slipped Disc of Woe & Degradation
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2009 This is Lucy. Lucy is a Pug. Lucy is a very obese Pug. Lucy is a very obese Pug and I am utterly Pug-whipped. Sunday was an unhappy day in the Assassin house. Lucy wouldn’t walk. She wouldn’t EAT, drink or even sit. Occasionally, she would scream inhumanly, alarming the guinea…
No Fatalities or Accidents in 7,120 Days!
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 04, 2009 Tuesday was our 20th wedding anniversary. That’s right, me and Mr. Assassin have been happily married for two decades. You know, I always thought we’d spend this iconic day on a beach somewhere. Well, technically speaking, Tom is in the sand. That’s calling the glass of vodka half full, right? Here’s…
Ghost Chickens In the Sky
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 07, 2007 I am in Author Heaven. One of the few perks of being an author is the ability to run away for a couple of days to work – all I need is my laptop. That’s what I’m doing now. Perhaps the best anniversary gift ever – my husband, Tom, sent me…
It’s That Time Of Year That Goes Straight To My Thighs…
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 20, 2010 Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of Girl Scout leaders everywhere, like Girl Scout Cookie time. And nothing warms the cockles of my sugar-clogged arteries either. My addiction started when I was 6 and opened that first box of Thin Mints. It was all over in seconds as I huffed that…
Stuff You Wish You’d Forgotten Already…
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 18, 2009 The winner of my favorite blog is Wendi Aarons of wendi-aarons.blogspot.com. This is the woman who wrote the famous letter to Proctor & Gamble, thanking them for giving Always maxi pads wings. This woman is too funny. Check her out! And now, back to our original blog… I was going through…
Not Tonight Dear…I Have Malaria…
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 16, 2008 In an effort to teach my kids that life exists beyond their technology-ridden, middle-class, Midwest lifestyle, we’ve been watching the Travel Channel’s program: Tribal Life – Meet the Namale. The Namale tribe lives on the island of Vanuatu in the South Pacific. The men wear only a penis sheath made of…
Furnace of the Damned
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2007 My furnace is out. Of course, this never happens except when my husband is out of town. I knew enough to tell that the pilot light wasn’t lit. So, I did what any intelligent woman would do – I called the professionals. Basically, the conversations I had with about 5 or…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGH!
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25, 2008 I’m experiencing some serious trouble with my Internet connection, but I did want to post something so I’m typing quickly between breakdowns. I just thought you’d get a kick out of this sign we saw last night at the kids’ track meet. Kind of ominous, eh? It kind of reminds me…
I Just Called…To Say…Where’s My Stuff, Mom?
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 16, 2010 This picture was taken by my friend, Todd Welvaert at the local Menards at Xmas time. Some employee there has a sense of humor – which is awesome. It has nothing to do with today’s blog. My mom used to complain, back in the ’70’s and then ’80’s, that my sister…