Wednesday, December 16, 2009 Dear Santa, I’m not going to tell you how good I’ve been, I know you hear that all the time. Here’s my Christmas List, and remember, I know how to kill people in very creative ways. You don’t want to find a severed reindeer head in your bed, do you?…
Author: Leslie Langtry
Are You There Santa? It’s Me, Margaret.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009 Growing up sucks. That’s why I never did. Yesterday at 4pm, I got the text message from my daughter I’d been dreading for years: “Mom r u Santa Claus? I would be fine with whatever u say. its just everyone @ school keeps saying how their parents told them they were…
Yet Another Reason Why the Assassin Shouldn’t Eat Lucky Charms With a Diet Coke Chaser For Dinner…
Wednesday, November 18, 2009 Why, yes! I painted my living room orange. Doesn’t everyone who’s anyone do that? Well, except for Deadly Deleon, who favors turquoise. Nothing rhymes with turquoise either, btw. Actually, the shade is “Mandarin.” I feel like I’m inside a pumpkin. A very, happy pumpkin that smells like 2 kids, 3 dogs,…
Angels in My Backyard
Wednesday, November 11, 2009 This, is what an angel looks like. This, is a dog whose face I shaved. This, is not an angel. (Trust me on this.) This, is the back of a bassett’s head. Again, not an angel. This, is what an angel looks like. My point? These two people, Dawn and Les,…
TIWITO (Things I Wish I’d Thought Of)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009 The Internet – Wish I’d thought of that. What’s more fun than spending an entire day looking for naked pictures of Johnny Depp online (when you’re supposed to be writing your book)? FINDING naked pictures of Johnny Depp online. BTW – if you find any, please let me know. Threatening Your…
Shhhh… The Trees are Watching…
Wednesday, September 23, 2009 Two weekends ago, I followed up my Girl Scout camping trip with Webelos in the Woods. I was pre-menstral (i.e., “angry”), sleeping in a tent, and cooking over a hot fire while male leaders (men who still play dress up and wish they were still boy scouts – a very creepy…
Just A Quickie…
Wednesday, September 02, 2009 “Friends help you move… Real friends help you move bodies.” I wish I knew the artist who made this. He (or most likely, she) is a genius. I’m taking 30 Girl Scouts camping in two days. I’m sure I’ll have a long and bizarre blog next week. Your REAL Friend, The…
These Are A Few of My Favorite Things…
Wednesday, August 05, 2009 I’ve had a lot of questions recently from fans who ask, “What goes on inside your head, exactly?” I decided it was time to show a few of my favorite stuff…the stuff that would(should a volcano erupt in Illinois or a sandstorm bury the midwest) make an archeologist tilt his head…
What Happens In The Capitol, Stays In The Capitol!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009 With Naughty Nikki – the First Person I Didn’t Know Who Bought My Book at 1st Signing With My Fabu Critique Partner, Janene & Jessa & Joey (where’s Betty?) Our Friends From Portland Triplets – According to Cherry Adair and Jordan Dane, You Can’t Tell the 3 of Us Apart I…
“I’ll Have A Martini. Two At The Most. Three, I’m Under The Table…Four, I’m Under The Host.”
Tuesday, July 07, 2009 Last week’s New Yorker Magazine had the best cartoon ever. And since there’s probably no way I can get permission to show it here, I’ll describe it. It was called, “The Three Martini Breakfast.” And the picture consisted of a man slumped over the breakfast table, a woman in a fetal…