Wednesday, December 08, 2010
And I want a big one! Do you know how hard it is to find dung beetles to buy online? I feel like some sleazy web surfer looking for a coeleoptic fix.
Oh sure, I know I can get dung beetles if I’m a rancher. But they run $500 for 1,000 beetles minimum. And while there’s plenty of dung around here between 2 cats, 2 guinea pigs, 3 dogs and a kid with irritable bowel syndrome – that’s just a bit more than I need.
The ancient Egyptians glorified the dung beetle as a scarab – a sacred symbol. Why? Because they saw a dung beetle rolling a ball of shit across the desert with his hind feet and it reminded them of the sun god – Ra – who rolls the sun across the sky every day.
Actually, I think the beetles had more sense than the ancient Egyptians. AND they didn’t use their hands to roll the crap.
Anyway, my girl scout troop is doing Egypt for Thinking Day this February. We topped our Mexico booth with France and topped that with Greece last year. We’re kind of legends with the Council.
So I was thinking it would be really cool to have an Egyptian animal to show (and possibly terrify) the Daisies and Brownies who attend the event. Of course, I wouldn’t have it rolling a ball of feces. I’d have it crawling on me and the girls who wanted to could hold it. How awesome would that be?
It would certainly add to the food samples we hand out and the SWAPS pins we make and the make-it-take-it craft we do. Okay, so one Council employee actually had the nerve to say, “Greece was way over the top last year…they go too far.” I’m not going to say what happened to her, but let’s just leave it that she isn’t there anymore.
(BTW – I have to note – Mr. Assassin and the kids are putting up the tree right now and he is actually using booby trap wire to make the little hooks for the ornaments. But you probably totally expected that.)
I could do an Egyptian praying mantis too. I’d have to keep a net handy in case it tried to fly off. I figure cockroaches (another native to Egypt) would be too weird for parents and scorpions (yep) too scary and possibly dangerous to me and the scorpion as it stings me and I fling it against a display of Egyptian humus.
Most sites want to send me (at ridiculous prices, I might add) dried, dead beetles. Where’s the fun in that? I did find a site in England that can send me the larvae in hopes it would hatch before then.
Why is this so hard? It’s the age of the internet for crying out loud! I can buy anything from a tranny chicken suit to a blow-up doll named Ted who satisfies fart-fetishists. But a simple, 8-inch dung beetle? Not so much.
Hopefully I’ll have my problem solved by this weekend.
Hey, anyone know where I can order a live jackal?
Happy Holidays!
The Assassin