October 2008
So what did I end up going as? Well, I was pretty sure I couldn’t pull off Jennifer Beals. But just before the party I had a flash of inspiration. I went as a 42-year old, disgruntled Strawberry Shortcake. Here I am in costume with my friend Michele, who went as a Ghostbuster. Don’t I look disgruntled? Doesn’t she look adorable with a vacuum hose in her son’s backpack?
It was great. I had a whole backstory and everything. Basically, in the late ’80’s I was down-sized due to a three-rock a day crack habit and a scandal at Studio 54 involving 3 circus clowns, a gallon of everclear and a bicycle lock.
I married He-Man in the early ’90’s and divorced him (mainly because Mr. Assassin refused to go as a middle-aged, disgruntled He-Man) in the late ’90’s because I got sick of hearing “By the power of Greyskull” by the so-called “Master of the Universe” in bed – all the time. Well, that and he was cheating on me with Jem AND the Holograms (those whores).
I kicked drugs shortly after and am now just your average, garden-variety alcoholic. I hate the smell of strawberry, which sucks because my hair smells like that all the time, no matter what I do. These days I work a few kids parties and as an occasional “escort” just to keep vodka on the table.
By the way, my friends thought it was weird that I had a developed back-story. Non-writers, eh?