WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2007
As most of you know, I am a girl scout leader and have been for five years. It is an exceptional organization or I would have nothing to do with it. My only beef with them is the constant level of caution regarding everyday things.
I was looking through the organization’s safety manual because I’m thinking of taking my troop abroad when they turn 14 (which makes me practically a terrorist in the Council’s eyes). I came across a section devoted to playground safety. And let me tell you – I couldn’t make this crap up.
“Girls should not use playground equipment without adult supervision.” Okay, I guess that’s reasonable if it’s a troop event – but most of my playground days were decidedly un-supervised. In fact – I’d find it creepy to be under constant surveillance by an adult at a playground. Aren’t there laws about people like that?
“Leaders must teach girls to use equipment properly, safely, and as intended.” Um, does that mean I have to demonstrate each piece of equipment for them? I haven’t been able to fit my big old butt on those teeny slides since I was old enough to play on a playground. Can you picture an adult leading girls from piece to piece, lecturing them on how to use it? I don’t know if you’ve been to a playground recently, but there are a whole lot of thingys there I can’t figure out. Fortunately, my kids don’t need me to show them as they are ingrained with such knowledge.
“Girls should not run on the playground.” Huh? Is it even possible for kids to be at a playground and not run? These days, they can’t run at school, recess, the pool, etc. Hell, tag is banned from some schools to avoid injury. TAG?! If you can’t run on the playground – where can you run???
“Clothing should be snug-fitting or tucked in to avoid snagging or tangling in any of the playground equipment. Wearing clothing with drawstrings on a hood or around the neck is not permitted.” THEY HAVE DRESS CODES FOR PLAYGROUNDS NOW???
“Physical activities are separate from more passive or quiet activities; areas for play equipment, open fields, and sandboxes are in different sections of the playground.” Sure, I’ll just re-arrange that for you…can you give me a hand lifting this swingset?
“Traffic patterns are clearly separate for individual pieces of equipment.” I don’t even know what this means!
“The playground does not have rocks, roots, and any other protrusions from the ground that may cause the girls to trip.” Are you serious? First I have to demonstrate, then re-arrange the equipment, now I have to overhaul the landscaping? Where the hell were these people when I would skate down my sidewalk (in metal skates requiring a key, nonetheless) and hit a pebble – launching me airborne until I came to a skin shredding stop on the pavement?
Believe it or not, these are only a few of the regulations regarding playground usage for girl scouts. I just didn’t want to take up three or four pages. But I think you get my point.
Thank the Nine Muses we don’t have that many restrictions in this business. Can you imagine writing without taking any risk? My characters get shot at, attacked by bears, and use circular knitting needles to garrote people.
Hmmm…I wonder what the girl scout council would say about that?
By the way, the photo is of my troop having three-legged races…in the dark…at camp. That’s right. We live on the edge.