MONDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2019
Hello there, annoying Inferior Creatures. This last week there was something Weird One refers to as Turkey Day. Turkey Day? Those idiots get a holiday? Why don’t we have Jelly Day? Or Let’s All Worship Jelly Day? Or Let’s Beg Superior Being Jelly Not to Destroy Us on a Whim Day (subject to my whim, of course)?
Turkeys really think they’re all that. But they’re so stupid they don’t know that the whole event is so people can eat them. And do they give me any? NO! They don’t even let me hunt the dumb bird.
I insist that you all petition to get a Jelly Day. On my holiday, homes will be decorated with giant images of me. All chickadees will be enslaved to do my bidding. Anyone who feeds chickadees will face prison time. And everyone will eat fresh albacore tuna. I will spend the day lying on Weird One’s favorite pillow, as people bow down to me and offer gifts (and I will hock up a hairball on you if I am not pleased). And if you are wondering, I would like a catnip infused laser pointer.
And now, I am off to grow opposable thumbs so I can break into the large, cold box in the kitchen and steal some turkey.
Oh, and btw, the WO wants you to sign up for her newsletter and, although I’ll never admit to agreeing with her, you will hear more from me if you do, mwahahahahaha! WO says to CLICK HERE to sign up (why can’t you CLICK THERE? Who knows with the WO).
